Relationship Trauma: Healing From Someone You Loved

A 2023 study from the University of Texas showed that out of 1,000 participants nearly 50% of them had experienced interpersonal trauma. Relationship trauma often comes with many side effects that make functioning a challenge. At SUN Behavioral Health Houston, we help people find healing and understanding from traumatic events. Today, we are going to explain what relationship trauma is and how someone can recover from these experiences.  

Relationship trauma is also sometimes referred to as post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS). It is not a formal diagnosis, as there hasn't been much research on the topic. Despite the lack of research, it is still a valid experience for many people. 

If it were a formal diagnosis, it would likely be a subset of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD develops as a response to stressful or traumatic relationships, such as emotional, verbal, sexual, or physical violence. People with relationship trauma are often formally diagnosed with PTSD or complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). 

This trauma may happen at any point in one's relationship with someone and does not have to have been something they experienced for the entirety of that relationship. It may occur during the relationship or from events associated with the breakup. It is also possible for relationship trauma symptoms to develop weeks to months after the relationship has officially ended. 

Someone with this condition will experience intrusive symptoms, such as recurring flashbacks or nightmares about the relationship. They will also have avoidance symptoms, where they will go out of their way to not be in situations or see people who remind them of their experiences. Unlike PTSD, the avoidance symptoms that stem from relationship trauma are driven by shame instead of fear.   

There hasn't been enough research on relationship trauma to formally separate it into different types. With that said, relationship trauma occurs from various types of violence, which come with unique side effects. Below is a chart outlining different types of violence and their impact on someone with relationship trauma.

Type of Violence

• Emotional/Verbal Violence
• Sexual Violence
• Physical Violence

Examples of the Violence

• Accusing, threatening, shaming, ridiculing, belittling, manipulating, gaslighting, invalidating emotions, destroying property, isolation, name-calling, insulting, humiliation
• Sexual assault, sexual harassment, sexual exploitation, indecent exposure, unwanted sexual contact or touching, refusing to use condoms, restricting access to birth control
• Using a weapon, pushing or pulling, throwing objects, punching, biting, kicking, strangling, physically forcing you to leave or stay

How It Impacts Someone With Relationship Trauma

• Emotional concerns, extreme anger, frequent negative thoughts, easily startled, impulsive behavior, being nervous, feelings of guilt and shame, emotional outbursts
• Emotional concerns, suicidal thoughts, shame, guilt, hypervigilance, dissociation, development of eating disorders
• Feeling powerless, helpless, and violated, flashbacks, upsetting memories, physical distress like sweating, trembling, nausea

Keep in mind that there might be some overlap between these different responses. Someone with relationship trauma because of physical violence could experience similar symptoms as someone who experienced emotional violence. The examples in the chart are just the most common effects for each type.

As mentioned earlier, relationship trauma typically comes from violence in a relationship, such as physical, sexual, or emotional violence. It may also occur as a response to infidelity, which is sometimes referred to as betrayal trauma. These actions lead to a trauma response because these experiences can be highly stressful, frightening, or distressing for an individual. 

Someone with PTSD may feel like they are constantly in a "fight or flight" state or that they need to protect themselves from the traumatic event happening again. The symptoms they experience as a result of the trauma are their body's automatic survival mechanism.

No matter your circumstances, recovering from PTSD and relationship trauma is possible. Through trauma therapy many people find peace and strength to heal and manage the symptoms they experience. Working with a trusted mental health professional helps reduce the effects these events bring. 

Trauma therapy often involves a combination of psychotherapy and medications, but taking medication is not a necessity in treating PTSD and relationship trauma. The therapy that works best for people with relationship trauma is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps people change unhealthy thoughts into ones that are healthy and productive. 

In addition to attending treatment, you can do other things to reduce your symptoms. The biggest one you can do is make sure you continue to take care of yourself. Having a healthy body and strong relationships helps give the brain the power it needs to heal. Continue to maintain, or establish, routines for regular diet, exercise, and sleep. Find people you can trust and continue to engage with them, while also finding activities that you enjoy to fill your downtime. 

Another important thing you can do is create realistic goals for yourself, known as SMART goals. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Start with smaller goals. Your symptoms will not improve overnight. It is best to allow yourself time to feel better. However, smaller, achievable goals keep you on the path to recovery and provide you with milestones to achieve. 

An example of a SMART goal might be, "For the next week, I will journal about my traumatic experiences for at least 1 day." This specific, non-big picture goal (journaling about traumatic experiences) is measurable (1 time this week), short and small enough to be achievable, allows room to overachieve, and is relevant to your recovery journey. Through this SMART goal, you are also giving yourself a time-bound deadline of a week to accomplish it. 

Not everyone who has a traumatic experience will develop relationship trauma or PTSD. Someone who received support from friends and family following the event or who had a previously established coping strategy that helped them heal from their trauma is less likely to need help recovering. 

Not everyone has this, and it is perfectly okay. For many individuals, relationship trauma and PTSD result in people feeling fear, helplessness, and alone. Even if someone has previous coping skills, or a support system, sometimes it’s not enough.

Trauma therapy is lifesaving. It allows them to work with a professional as they begin to process the events that happened, create healthy boundaries, and develop a support system they can lean on. Treatment also provides a safe environment for them to learn skills and techniques that manage the symptoms and emotions they are experiencing. 

Someone might also be experiencing suicidal thoughts as a result of the guilt or shame they feel surrounding the trauma. This is also a sign to seek help for relationship trauma. If you feel like you are a danger to yourself or others, go to a 24/7 crisis care center as soon as possible. You do not need to call ahead of time. Professionals will be there to openly welcome you as you begin your journey to a healthier life. 

Relationship trauma can feel lonely and like nobody would ever understand what you are going through. It doesn't have to be this way. Therapy gives you the tools to change your life as you learn to grow from these experiences. 

SUN Behavioral Health Houston solves unmet needs in the community. While it is valid for men to experience relationship trauma, women often experience it more frequently. This is why we offer a specialty women's unit led by a female therapist and OBGYN, which ensures a safe space for many women in the community to find healing and safety. For more information about relationship trauma, contact us today at 713-796-2273.